Beautiful



As I lie here listening to India.Arie's song, "Beautiful", it makes me wonder, what do I want? I want to have someone with me. I want to do and be the things that this song reflects... I believe that it's only a place one can get to when they have that "perfect" love. Not meaning that it's perfect in the dictionary sense, but perfect for the ones involved. 

I also have a question. Why do we adore those that ignore us, ignore the ones that adore us, and waste our time on people that could care less? I'm semi in that situation. There are two people that I care for. Kindron and Lawrence. I'm more interested in Kindron, who of course could care less. Lawrence is more interested in me, and I admit that I like him as well, but I really like Kindron more. I expressed everything to Kindron last night, and asked him today if he remembered, and heard. He stated he did. I asked him about it, and he said that he's still thinking on it.

In my mind, I'm like thinking on what? It should be a no brainer. Either you want to see what a relationship between the two of us could be like, or you don't. Today at lunch, I was discussing the matter with my coworker Mayra, and then came to the decision that I will focus more of my attention on Lawrence, seeing as how he is interested, and showing me attention, whereas Kindron is not. I still know myself. Kindron is who I want. I know that if I enter a relationship with Lawrence and Kindron says he's ready, I will drop Lawrence immediately and be with Kindron. 

The other day, I was thinking, "What is it about Kindron that makes me so damned interested? Why do I like him?" I couldn't come up with an answer. It's not his goals, not his personality really. I do believe that he's attractive, but that isn't a reason. I really didn't know what it was about him at the time.
I believe now I have some insight. I believe that I know why we do the things that we do for those that could care less. I know why we hurt others, step on them and totally disregard their feelings just to get to those that treat us the way they do. We like the thrill of the chase. We like challenge, and some of us are just gluttons for punishment. 

As much as I believe that I care for Kindron, as much as I want Kindron, I'm going to focus my attention on Lawrence. It's time for me to recognize those who can appreciate good people. Who knows... maybe Lawrence will be my passage into "Beautiful". 

To those of you who have never heard this song, YouTube it. "Beautiful" by India.Arie. Take time to listen to the melody, then the words, then both together. It's amazing. It makes you want to go there. It makes you want to do anything to get there. 

That's all for me tonight...

Until then.......


-Me

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