It Is What It Is


Love is love... However, it is something that I fear will escape me for the rest of my life. It is what it is. I just know that I am severely tired of being by myself. I'm tired of being alone, and I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of offering myself to you just to be met with silence. To be treated like I don't matter. At times, I really wish I'd never met you. I wish I never saw you. I wish you never messaged me. I wish I never knew you. I just really want someone that will love me, and I him. I want you, but I really feel that you are playing me and being with other men. Like I say, it is what it is. Every day it's like a knife digging deeper into my heart.

I don't know what I need to do to get over you. I don't know why I allow myself to be tortured and manipulated by you. All I do is keep silent. I keep silent and watch you go do whatever and die a little inside each and every single day. These are the things that I want to tell you. These are the deepest feelings that I hide. I hide them partly because I'm afraid that if I were to tell you, then I would really come to the truthful realization that you don't love me. That you never have loved me and that you never will love me. That you are here for one thing just like all the others. That is just to take what you want, get what you need and leave me here to pick up the shattered pieces of the broken dreams that weren't fixed the last time.

I swear I wish I could cry. If I could, then maybe I could deal with this a lot more easier. Maybe I could get a better handle on this, at least in my mind.I'm going to do something that I should have done a long time ago. I'm just going to pray and leave it alone. I will pray that all the hurt ends, that the pain ceases, that the using stops and that I find someone that will love and cherish me and I him. I also pray that I will allow that to happen. I hope and pray that I don't push away a good man because of the bullshit that I'm going through with you, men like you, and all the other men that put me through bullshit. I can only imagine what time you're coming in tonight. I don't even care anymore. Fuck it. It is what it t.i. is...

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