Second Wind








Hey guys,

Well today is Wednesday, and I’m keeping with my personal goals. I said that I will start back to doing my internet radio show on Sunday nights at 5:00 p.m. CST (central standard time) The link if anyone wants to start listening is www.blogtalkradio.com/mtmoore31 I also said that I will update the blog weekly on Wednesdays, so expect some random and bullshit posts. I also said that I’ll be making YouTube videos again. I used to have a lot and then deleted them all and just got out of the mood of doing it. I think that I’m really trying to keep myself busy and preoccupied with other things. Or maybe I’m just trying some low-key ways of fulfilling something that has been lacking. Let me tell you about this dream I had.

I dreamt that I was at work, and I was talking to my supervisor (which is weird because I don’t talk to her like that.) Any way, I had expressed to her that what I really wanted to do most in the whole world was act. I've always wanted to be an actor. I transform when I’m on stage. The thought of becoming someone different just thrilled me. When the lights come on and I’m in character, something happens. I really want to be on Broadway. I remember when the acting bug had bitten me. I was with my grandmother at the old Sears Roebuck downtown (prior to them turning it into some lofts) and we were in line. I remember I was young. Maybe like six or seven years old. I doubt I was even that old. Well anyway, I had this girl’s attention. She was younger than I was. I think that she was three. I started performing for her. I was just acting out characters that I saw on Saturday morning cartoons. I think Bugs Bunny was one. When I was done, she had kissed me on the nose. I knew then acting was what I wanted to do. I enjoyed bringing entertainment to others. (This might be why my personality is what it is) I did express what I wanted to do much later on in life to my mom and step-dad, and they were less than supportive of that, so I gave it up. If I had continued I could be on the big and small screen as well as on stage—who knows? Back to the dream.
I told my supervisor that I really would love to do that, but as of right now, I’m scared. I informed her that I have a great thing going on here. I have a career that I love, I’m stable—what do I look like throwing that all away on a whim of a dream; a dream that may not come true. She had no sagely advice for me. She didn’t go with the whole “Follow your heart,” “Chase your dream” routine. She simply listened and let me realize something on my own. That I am standing in my own way. This is something that I realize.

 I’m afraid to take chances even though I advise everyone else to do just that. I am a believer that you have one life to live, so live it up to the fullest. My problem: I don’t take my own advice. I do have a fear. It’s one greater than a personal one that I refuse to share, but that fear is failure. I am deathly afraid to fail. Some say that failure is simply not trying. I may concede to that—may. I’m not quite sure yet. So maybe with me blogging, doing the radio show, doing YouTube again, I might get some recognition. I might not. Who knows? Maybe if a tape of me sucking dick leaks I could be the next Kim Kardashian. I would just have to make sure that the dick is attached to someone remotely famous. But that’s another story. Never mind, anyway. I wonder when I will start taking my own advice. When will I just get over the paralyzing fear of it might not, and think that it may be? I don’t know.

Don’t be like me… thirty and attempting to catch my second wind. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. Go and find your dream and then make it a reality. I plan on doing so, slowly—very slowly, but surely. J

Till then…



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                --Me

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