Yield Not To Temptation...
Hello everyone,
As I take my journey on this Lenten season, I knew that it would be trying so to speak, but damn. For Lent, I decided that I would sacrifice my love of alcohol, sex, and masturbation. The alcohol is very easy to give up seeing as how I'm a light to moderate drinker anyway. Even sex is semi easy to give up. I had been celibate once for two years. What appears to be my greatest temptation and struggle is MASTURBATION!
I knew that this was going to be difficult because I'm a chronic masturbator. I masturbate every day, and I mean EVERY day, even at work. Sometimes I masturbate up to 17 times. It gets to the point to where I am unable to achieve an erection after the last ejaculation due to "Piston" being tired, and me having no semen left. In order to help myself remain faithful to the task at hand, (no pun intended) I deleted all the porn from my cell phone (which was a lot) as well as pictures that I've received from people or have taken of myself. ( I am my greatest turn on). I also have not visited any pornographic sites. All was going good for the first five days. It seems now though as I enter the eighth day, I'm starting to struggle.
I've had dreams where I see myself masturbating and/or having sex only to awaken to the biggest, strongest longest erection that I've ever had as an adult. I know this is nothing but temptation and the devil. The problem with me is, even though I know that it's temptation and I should shy away, I, in turn, flirt with it. Today, I semi broke. I visited a well known hook up site in the LGBT community, www.blackgaychat.com and logged in. There were pictures and pictures of attractive men of color with well toned bodies as well as beautiful asses. I made one of the pictures my screensaver (Which is tempting as all hell) and saved the others to my phone.
Hopefully, I will see the screensaver as motivation to continue on my journey to abstain from sex, and masturbation. (It is very easy for me to deny alcohol even though my family thought at one point I had a problem. That's another post in itself.) I also have applications on my phone, Jack'd and GRINDR. Both are for gay, bi, and bi-curious men to locate each other in close proximity and chat. I've received a few messages and mostly from guys looking for hook ups (sex) Those messages went unanswered. I think I'm good as far as not having sex, it's just jacking off that will prove to be my greatest challenge. I've come very close to giving in, but then I remember the reason for me giving up these things in the first place.
Jesus was in the wilderness for forty days and was tempted by Satan himself. If He could resist temptation (being the son of God irrelevant) surely I can give something as simple as self gratification up for forty days in honor for Him that gave Himself for me. Its gonna be a looooong road to April 8, 2012, but with lots of prayer, faith, and dedication, I can do it.
As I take my journey on this Lenten season, I knew that it would be trying so to speak, but damn. For Lent, I decided that I would sacrifice my love of alcohol, sex, and masturbation. The alcohol is very easy to give up seeing as how I'm a light to moderate drinker anyway. Even sex is semi easy to give up. I had been celibate once for two years. What appears to be my greatest temptation and struggle is MASTURBATION!
I knew that this was going to be difficult because I'm a chronic masturbator. I masturbate every day, and I mean EVERY day, even at work. Sometimes I masturbate up to 17 times. It gets to the point to where I am unable to achieve an erection after the last ejaculation due to "Piston" being tired, and me having no semen left. In order to help myself remain faithful to the task at hand, (no pun intended) I deleted all the porn from my cell phone (which was a lot) as well as pictures that I've received from people or have taken of myself. ( I am my greatest turn on). I also have not visited any pornographic sites. All was going good for the first five days. It seems now though as I enter the eighth day, I'm starting to struggle.
I've had dreams where I see myself masturbating and/or having sex only to awaken to the biggest, strongest longest erection that I've ever had as an adult. I know this is nothing but temptation and the devil. The problem with me is, even though I know that it's temptation and I should shy away, I, in turn, flirt with it. Today, I semi broke. I visited a well known hook up site in the LGBT community, www.blackgaychat.com and logged in. There were pictures and pictures of attractive men of color with well toned bodies as well as beautiful asses. I made one of the pictures my screensaver (Which is tempting as all hell) and saved the others to my phone.
Hopefully, I will see the screensaver as motivation to continue on my journey to abstain from sex, and masturbation. (It is very easy for me to deny alcohol even though my family thought at one point I had a problem. That's another post in itself.) I also have applications on my phone, Jack'd and GRINDR. Both are for gay, bi, and bi-curious men to locate each other in close proximity and chat. I've received a few messages and mostly from guys looking for hook ups (sex) Those messages went unanswered. I think I'm good as far as not having sex, it's just jacking off that will prove to be my greatest challenge. I've come very close to giving in, but then I remember the reason for me giving up these things in the first place.
Jesus was in the wilderness for forty days and was tempted by Satan himself. If He could resist temptation (being the son of God irrelevant) surely I can give something as simple as self gratification up for forty days in honor for Him that gave Himself for me. Its gonna be a looooong road to April 8, 2012, but with lots of prayer, faith, and dedication, I can do it.
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